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• Decision
Making – Every decision makes us a little more likely
to decide in a similar way again.
• Belonging –
It's something we all want. • Popularity,
Fame and Importance – We like it when others notice us.
What behavior creates a situation where others notice you? • Opinion -- A judgment
or estimation of the merit of a person or thing. Why do we
seem so often to care so much about the opinions of others? • Peer Pressure –
a real dimension of life. Do you ever
experience real or perceived group pressure? How does
peer pressure influence your daily life? • Conviction – A belief
or conclusion held with confidence. You
are an individual, what do YOU value and believe? You can have
your opinions and beliefs and still belong to a group. • Be Yourself – How can you be yourself,
follow your values and still be “cool” or “rufus”? • Accept
Yourself – Recognize personal strengths, be firm
in your beliefs. • Be
your own best friend, supporter, reinforcer, and approver.
You must accept and approve of yourself before others will. • Self Worth – Your
worth is not dependent on doing well, achieving
things or doing things to please others. Let go of the fear
of letting people down by failing to achieve self-imposed goals
or goals others have set for you. • Success – I do not know enough to guarantee
you success, but I do know that if you live your life trying to
please others it is a sure fire way to fail.
Negative People-Pleaser Behavior |
Positive Potential
|
Self-Sacrificing |
This
behavior can be converted to rational altruism, in which
they are able to be self protective and self rewarding in
their "giving'' behavior toward others. |
Self-Deprecating |
This behavior can be converted
into realistic self appraisal by their being led to recognize
and accept personal strengths, abilities, and attributes.
They can be taught that "false humility'' is unhealthy and that
it is OK to "toot'' one's horn when appropriate. |
Poor Decision Making Ability |
This
poor decision-making can be converted to productive problem
solving and effective decision making by allowing themselves
the right to hold to their own opinions and to be creative
without the fear of what others would say and without fear
of retribution. Freeing up their mental energy will result
in increased productivity, creativity, and healthy decision
making. |
Loss of Personal Identity |
By being
able to accept themselves for who they are without fear of
recriminations or disapproval, they can become firm in their
beliefs as to who they are and what they are capable of doing
and becoming. |
Martyrdom |
Rather
than placing themselves in situations in which their rights
are ignored and where they are taken advantage of, they can
learn to be assertive and begin to protect their rights,
ceasing to be victimized by others. |
Need for Approval |
By increasing
their habits of self-affirmations and positive self-approval,
they can alter both their need for approval and their fear
of rejection by being their own best friend, cheerleader,
reinforcer, and approver. They have to accept and approve
of themselves before others will. |
Dependent on Others for Positive Reinforcement |
Because
they have low self-esteem they reinforcement become so dependent
on others for attention, affection, and approval that they
become "addicted'' to positive affirmation
from others. This can be converted by becoming self caring,
self affirming, self accepting, and by becoming emotionally
independent from others. |
Fear of Failure |
By recognizing
that one's worth is not solely dependent on "doing well,'' "achieving
things'' or by doing things to please others, they can let
go of the fear of letting people down by failing to achieve
self-imposed goals or goals others have set for them. Learning
to turn failures into growth enhancing experiences is another
way they can let go of this fear. |
Unswerving Loyalty |
Those
who find security in being loyal to institutions rather than
to themselves can reverse this behavior by recognizing the
value of self-directed attention and concern for personal
health and well being. Being loyal to self results in a holistic
sense of wellness of body, mind, and spirit. |
Hard on Self |
This
results in self punishing and self restrictive behavior.
By letting go of the need to be "good enough''
for everyone else and by letting go of perfectionism in personal
efforts, they can lighten up on themselves and learn to enjoy
life, to relax, have fun and play, nurturing the inner child
in themselves. |
© Higher Hoops 2004 |
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